cranky and needy with a chance of lonely

i feel like whining so here it goes:

over the summer my friends stopped thinking about me as a friend and as more of a human who happens to live in a space they party in.
then i turned a little meaner and stricter and my two amazing, way too nice friends moved in upstairs. because they are so nice and sweet and would never say no, my friends started partying up there, and began to consider my way-too-nice friends as inconveniences to their party space.
but still, to them, i didn't change back into a friend- just a secondary option if their primary party space didn't work.
and i'm a little upset and hurt but mostly mad at myself for letting them use me for that long
eventually i know the novelty of our places will wear off and things will go back to normal, but now it just sucks for all 4 of us living here

this is making me miss times when i didn't really have anything to offer, just a good heart and a happy smile. so i miss my high school friends and lauren and people who liked me when i had nothing to use.

i also am having a tough time opening up to people, but really, can you blame me?

i miss liz

plus wtf at that message you sent me. and wtf at the way i handled it. URGH. i am so awkward.