update: 2 months into school
i'm still me. i still wear big sweaters and pregnancy leggings, and i refuse to give up my dad's old flannels. think i might wear them till they are tatters. i have found a new distaste for elitism- especially that of the hipster brand, the most unfounded, ridiculous kind- and a new appreciation for the rarity of an open mind. i still stay in on most nights and realize that in truth, i prefer coffee and conversation to meaningless banter at bars. i still crave independence and i still strive to be the best i can be, but i take breaks more often now to look at the world around me. i have a rediscovered the desire to read and learn and push myself. i love my parents more than ever and miss my sister with 400% of my being. i now realize that my home friendships were in fact real, and that they may change in some aspects but they will never fade from my mind or heart. i'm a little less confident and a little more of a chameleon, but i think that's ok too. i hope that's ok. i am starting to crave companionship sometimes, especially in autumn, but i think it's a sign i'm over you. i'm not as cool as i thought. i wrote my first poem since i've been here last night and i think i like it. i'm starting to worry about my future, but i know it's all going to work out. i've become very good at putting things in perspective. i still long, i still lust, i still listen to ella fitzgerald under the covers with my eyes closed. i'm still me.