Sunday, March 15, 2009

scintillating on a sunday

first blog post; 21st century, here i come!
in my first step into the modern world (haha, as if), i think it's fitting to talk about scintillation. it's been on my mind recently, and also, it's the title of this blog so i feel like i should give a little explanation. i chose the verb "to scintillate" as the title because, however cliché this is, i'm in the process of rejuvenating myself. this isn't exactly a glamorous or easy task, and i'm discovering a lot of things that are not so great. for instance, i eat when i don't allow myself to feel anything. i eat a lot. i can be really condescending, and i like being messy for no particular reason. i'm too much of a pacifist, i don't always stay true to my beliefs, and i tend to procrastinate on everything. but in the process of picking out all my flaws, i discovered this little glimmer. it's this little glimmer that got buried a while ago under a self-imposed façade of "typical suburban teenager." anyway, it's a scintillation, if you will. it's that little natural twinkle that for the last 4 years i have suppressed in an attempt to become more suave, more jaded. for the last 4 years, it's been the twinkle that i only let light up during a first kiss, when the wheels of an airplane touch down in a foreign country, or when someone says exactly how they feel about me. it's the little light that i only let show when my favorite song comes on the radio, or when i get a handwritten letter. it's the one that i only let come out in pure moments of ecstasy, or even in pure moments of agony. and now i want to change that. i want to take my little scintillation and fuel it with good things, and so it becomes a constant fire. i want a spark within me that can't be put out anyone or anything. i want to be fierce! so i decided to start a blog about things that fuel me- that make me happy, sad, whatever. a blog about things that put that little twinkle in my eye.

twinkle, twinkle, little star...
good night!

No comments:

Post a Comment