Wednesday, August 12, 2009

eye of the hurricane

I'm cleaning out my room, for good.
moving to college in 17 days.
moving away from NJ in December.
moving on.
moving 900 miles away from my sister.
spreading like oil and vinegar from my best friends.
moving forward.

today i found a love letter you wrote to me in 5th grade buried in my desk drawer and for the first time, i was able to laugh at what we were. for the first time in almost a year, i remembered why i used to love you. i remembered why there will always be a fond spot in my heart for you in the middle of all the resentment and bad memories. i remembered why, despite everything, i refuse to hate you. when i saw the letter i giggled, and then threw it into the trash with the rest of the 'valentines' i had saved from that year. call it closure if you will, but i think it's just acknowledgment that our lives crossed at one point, and then diverged at another. and you know what? i think i might just be a better, wiser person for it too. i think you unintentionally made me free.

everything is changing around me, but i feel calm.
i feel ready and prepared.
i feel exhilarated
i'm ready.

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